You know what's really hard?
Going through something you can't really explain to people you are close to, because though they love you and want to be there for you; they just can't relate.
Then there's people who think you are crazy, that your problems are not "big enough" and then you hear, "well at least you're not going through this".
When did problems become one size fits all? Why do people assume that my hard is the same kind of hard? That's not how life works, we all have our own blueprints, and my level of hard, isn't going to be the same as yours.
Yet, we body shame, we compare, we put ourselves and one another down because we don't see it this way. We want someone to recognize us as we victimize ourselves, blow up our circumstances for someone to try and rescue us; to hand us the end result of a season on a silver platter and run as far as we can from the storm at hand.
For me, my hard right now, is letting go of crutches, things I rely on to help me feel better, ease the pain so I don't feel it as much. See the thing is, the more baindaids you put on, you begging to feel numb, until one day, the damn breaks and those baindaids aren't holding anything anymore.
I want to love my body
I want to be proud of it everyday. Not just when I'm inspired or when I say I love it so people won't think I'm always negative.
I want to be happy and healthy but I'm so afraid of letting go of my comfort zone, I remain frozen.
I'll take some steps and stay where I'm comfortable, anytime a new season comes around I will do whatever it takes to backpedal, I disassociate from the world, new bandaids, back to the crutches and the cycle continues.
It's hard to break the cycle that those around you don't see as a problem but it's catastrophic to you in your mind, and your life. This is where so many people quit, including myself, because this is the point that nobody can do the work, but me. My results, my future aren't going to be handed to me. I've got to to the work, I've got to dig myself out.
It's time to climb
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