I cringe at the thought of work. Doing anything challenging, put out of my comfort zone I will do for a little bit, but then when it starts to get too hard; I don't want to do it. Often times I quit before I even start.
I've always been small framed, not much muscle tone at all, not much fat on me either. I was labeled "skinny" "scrony" growing up and always made fun of. I was picked on for eating anything I wanted because people said it never phased me, I could "get away" with it, or I was labled "anorexic" for not eating enough. It lead to me only eating at home, where I felt comfortable, and safe. Truthfully I did anything I could go skip lunch at school because of it.
I've always envied the well toned girls who have strong legs and a chiseled core, but I've never wanted to put in the work. I'd get started, motivated for a day or two, then get stuck in my head and before I knew it, I had talked myself out of working out or doing anything to reach that goal.
Maybe it's a little vein to want to have abs you can see, and strong legs to keep your pants from falling down, but I also don't see it as a problem to want to look, and feel your very best.
When I look in the mirror, I see that girl who everyone made fun of, who was teased for trying, wanting to be better, I want to prove to myself I can become the person I've longed to be, but in order to do so, I have to let go of who I was first, and I've known her for so long, it's hard to say goodbye, no matter how toxic she is.
So I took some before photos, I'm hesitant to share, because even as an adult, I know I'm still going to be judged, but really, I just want to be better, mind and body, and having that physically physique I've dreamed of, is just a way of proving to myself that I'm worthy of the work, and capable of seeing it through.
I've started and stopped so many times, but I'm determined more then ever to make this time truly mean something.
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