Realization

There's been a handful of times I have tried to create this blog, the first posts, but I just couldn't do it; every time I tried I got writers block and gave up.

Today, among so many other days this year has. Even an eye opener. I spent all day debating if how I was feeling was worthy enough of going to the doctors. If it had been anyone else there would have been less hesitation. I even asked my husband what I should do, and he said "I don't know, I am not you, I cannot feel your pain."

I have spent most of my life trying to have others tell me how to take care of myself.

I don't remember a time in my life where I made a decision on my own, without checking in with someone to see if it was a good idea. I always had my mom to bounce things off as a kid, and now as adult I have my sister, my husband, and my dad. My mom passed away a while back and I feel like I have lost my sense of direction, of purpose. She always told me what to do, how to act, how to handle things. Never in a controlling way, I just never tried to live my life for me.

So here's my first official decision on my own. I didn't check in with a friend, my husband, or family member. This is all me.

Ready?

I'm not sure if I am, but I am going to give it a shot.

I will be staying off social media, apart from this blog until further notice. I'm not sure how long that will be, but, I need to find myself, for myself. To not be influenced by social media, reels, perfectly polished photos, in order to learn who on earth I am, I have to do that by myself, without any validation from others. Because I need to learn to make decisions for myself, on my own.

But first, I have to believe in myself first.

ill Be breaking down some things in my blog over the next few days so if you're interested in learning more about my story, I'll be here.